"I cry in the car after court, then go home and make dinner."

Dear Full Up,

Child protection is tough work, whether you're the lawyer in court or the practitioner in the field. It requires you to engage with people who can be challenging, while witnessing and hearing about distressing situations involving some of the most vulnerable members of our community: children. The work can take an emotional toll on even the toughest people.

People working in this area can experience burnout and vicarious trauma, much like those working in emergency services, healthcare and other demanding professions. Crying in your car occasionally after a particularly challenging or distressing day can be a natural emotional response and a way of releasing some of that pressure. Everyone has bad days, and these come and go. However, when it becomes a regular occurrence, it may be a sign of burnout, or that something needs to change.

I think it's important to first identify why you're feeling this way. Are you upset because you're exhausted? Is your workload causing you stress? Are you experiencing vicarious trauma from what you see and hear? Or are you struggling with the impact the job is having on your personal life, such as having little time with your family because of long working hours?

You've said you don't think you're depressed, just full. You may be right, but it's very hard to judge that from the inside, especially when you're tired. A GP is a good place to start. They can help you work out what's going on, and refer you to a psychologist if that would help.

The part of your letter that stands out most to me is that nobody knows. Twenty minutes in the car and then dinner as if nothing happened is a lot to carry on your own. You don't need to tell your boss yet, but please consider telling your partner. You don't have to explain it perfectly. "Work has been getting to me, and I've been struggling more than I've let on" is enough to start.

I worked in child protection myself, and I loved the job. However, after having my own child, I often found myself working late into the evening, dealing with high-risk situations, and missing out on time with my son.

I vividly remember one night walking back to my car at 10 pm after dealing with a high-risk client. I started crying because I felt like I was failing as a mother, having not even seen my son before he went to sleep that night. That was a turning point for me. I realised that, at that stage of my life, continuing in that type of role was no longer the right fit for me.

Making that decision wasn't easy, and it certainly didn't happen overnight. I tried numerous ways to make things work before ultimately deciding to make a change that was better for both me and my family.

I'm not saying you should quit your job. Rather, I'd encourage you to take a step back and honestly assess what is contributing to how you're feeling. There may be ways to improve your situation, such as talking with colleagues, your supervisor or family, seeking support from a counsellor, or protecting time each week that has nothing to do with work.

You could also look at whether a change within your practice would give you a much-needed break without leaving the field altogether. Sometimes people need a change of pace or a break from a particular type of work. Consider whether the issue might be the kind of matters you're taking on, and whether you could talk to your supervisor about having more say in the mix.

If you've tried different strategies and things still aren't improving, it may be time to consider whether the job is taking too great a toll on your mental and physical health, and whether the sacrifices you're making are sustainable in the long term.

There is no one-size-fits-all answer to this. However, if you've reached the point of asking this question, you're already taking a positive step towards understanding what's happening and finding a way forward.

No job is worth sacrificing your mental and physical health or the wellbeing of your family. You can care deeply about the work you do and the children you help while also recognising that you need to look after yourself. Those two things are not mutually exclusive.

Lauren.

If you need support: Your GP, your employer's Employee Assistance Program, or your law society's or Bar's wellbeing service are good places to start.