The Dilemma · 29 October 2026
"My client hinted she doesn't see the point anymore. I'm a lawyer, not a counsellor."
A junior family lawyer’s isolated client calls almost daily, and late in one call says she sometimes doesn’t see the point. A social worker explains how to go back and ask her directly, where to refer her, why boundaries protect the client as well as the lawyer, and how to recognise the early signs of vicarious trauma.
The question
I'm three years admitted and run my own parenting matters. One client calls me almost every day, often late in the evening, and most of those calls have nothing to do with the case. She's frightened about the outcome and she's isolated. Last week, near the end of a call, she said that sometimes she doesn't see the point of any of it. I didn't know what to say, so I moved the conversation back to her affidavit. I've thought about it every day since. I'm not trained for this. Am I overstepping if I raise it with her? Am I failing her if I don't? And how do I stop taking these calls home with me?
Out of My Depth
A perspective from Lauren Kreitner
Family Violence Social Worker; Head of Partnerships & Operations, The Profession
You aren't overstepping, and you haven't failed her. You've noticed something that matters, which is the first and most important step. Now you need a plan, both for her and for you.
Go back to what she said. Comments like that are easy to let pass, especially when the conversation moves on. Call her, and say something like: "Last week you said sometimes you don't see the point. I've been thinking about that. Can I ask whether you've been having thoughts of ending your life?" Asking directly does not put the idea in someone's head. The research is consistent on this. For most people it is a relief to be asked.
Know where you are sending her before you ask. Your role isn't to counsel her. It is to connect her with people who can. Keep these on hand: Lifeline (13 11 14), the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467), her GP, and, if family violence is part of the picture, 1800RESPECT. If she tells you she is at immediate risk, call 000. Ask whether she has a GP or anyone she trusts, and whether she would be willing to contact them today.
Understand your obligations before you need them. Talk to a supervising practitioner or your law society's ethics line about when your confidentiality obligations permit disclosure to prevent serious harm. Do this now, while you have time to think, not in the middle of a crisis call.
Set boundaries. They protect her as well as you. A client who calls daily is telling you she has no one else to call. Becoming that person isn't sustainable, and when you eventually can't pick up, it will feel to her like another loss. Tell her plainly when you are available, what you can help with, and who she can call for the rest. Then hold to it.
Get support for yourself. Social workers have supervision built into the job because this work accumulates. Most lawyers don't. Find your version: a debrief with a senior colleague after hard calls, your firm's employee assistance program, or a professional supervisor. What you're describing, replaying the call and carrying it home, is an early sign of vicarious trauma. It is common among family lawyers, and it responds well to being taken seriously early.
You can't carry your clients' distress for them. You can notice it, ask about it, and make sure it lands with someone equipped to help.
The Dilemma provides general information only and is not legal, medical or mental health advice. It does not take into account your particular circumstances. If you or someone you know needs support, contact Lifeline on 13 11 14. In an emergency, call 000. Questions are edited for clarity and to protect anonymity.
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