"My client messages me at midnight, and it's stopped being about the case."

Dear Do Not Disturb,

First, you've done the right thing by not replying to the personal messages. And listen to the sick feeling you get when your phone lights up after 10pm. It's telling you something has crossed a line.

Your mental health and work-life balance matter, and they shouldn't come second to the demands of your work or your clients. It is absolutely okay to set boundaries with clients. Childcare workers, teachers, doctors and other professionals all have professional boundaries, and the legal profession should be no different.

There is also the added complexity that many lawyers, particularly in private practice, are running their own businesses. Building a professional reputation is important, but that doesn't mean being available to clients around the clock. Being a good lawyer doesn't mean sacrificing your own wellbeing.

Setting a boundary isn't abandoning her. You can keep acting for her, and act for her well, while changing how and when she contacts you. Boundaries are often what keep a professional relationship workable to the end of a matter.

I'd suggest four things.

First, tell someone at work now. Let your supervisor or a senior colleague know what's been happening, and keep the messages. Make a brief file note of what has been sent and how you've responded. This isn't about getting your client in trouble. It protects you, and it means you aren't managing this on your own.

Second, be practical and consistent. If you can, use a separate work phone and turn it off outside working hours. Tell clients from the outset when they can expect a response, and what to do if something genuinely urgent comes up out of hours. With this client, it isn't too late to reset those expectations.

Third, have a direct conversation. Keep it respectful, brief and firm, and have it during business hours, ideally by phone or in person, followed by a short email. Something like: "I want to keep giving you the best help I can with your matter. To do that, I need to keep our contact to work matters, during business hours. If something urgent comes up after hours, here's what to do." Then hold to it. Reply to case questions the next working day, and don't respond to the personal messages at all.

If the behaviour continues, put the boundaries in writing and talk to your supervisor or your law society's ethics line about next steps. Ceasing to act is a last resort, and if it comes to that, there are professional obligations about how you do it. Get advice before you take that step.

Fourth, recognise the limits of your role. "You're the only person who gets me" tells you she may be isolated and leaning on you for support that isn't yours to give. A lawyer can provide legal advice, guidance and support within their professional role, but can't be everything to a client. Encourage her to find support elsewhere: a counsellor, a psychologist, her GP or a family support service. You could say: "This process is really hard, and you deserve support with how you're feeling, not just the legal side. Would you be open to talking to someone?" Have a referral ready when you say it.

Ultimately, you can be compassionate, empathetic and committed to your clients without being personally available to them at all hours. Having boundaries doesn't make you a less dedicated lawyer. It helps you sustain a long career while giving your clients a professional service.

Lauren.