"My partner says I chose work over us years ago. I didn't notice."

Dear Always Next Month,

Being a lawyer can be incredibly time-consuming. When your work isn't confined to a structured 9 to 5, it can be difficult to know when to put down the phone, close the laptop and switch off.

One positive thing to recognise is that your partner is talking to you and telling you they are unhappy. While it may be difficult to hear, that gives you the chance to address the problem before it becomes much harder to repair. A partner who stays silent but grows increasingly resentful isn't helping themselves or the relationship, and by the time those feelings surface, the damage can be much harder to undo.

I see this as a turning point, particularly if you value the relationship and want it to last.

Start with the word you've been using: temporary. You've said it for about three years. Temporary needs an end date, and after three years, your partner has stopped believing there is one. Before you promise anything else, look honestly at whether this year is really different from the last two, and what would actually have to change for it to end.

My first piece of advice would be to sit down with your partner and ask what is affecting them most. Is it the late-night calls with clients or colleagues? The constant checking of emails and messages? Is it Sundays? Or is it the feeling that, even when you're physically at home, you're mentally somewhere else, thinking about work and what needs to be done next?

Sometimes the issue isn't the number of hours you work, but the feeling of being disconnected from your partner, even when you're sitting right beside them.

Once you start having these conversations, you'll have a much clearer understanding of what needs to change. Your partner will likely recognise that you can't simply stop working or walk away from your professional responsibilities, and they also need a realistic understanding of what's possible. But there is a difference between recognising that your work is demanding and accepting that it will always take priority over the relationship.

As with any problem in a relationship, you need to talk openly, listen to each other and work towards a solution that feels fair to both of you. Don't expect the first conversation to resolve everything. Changing established habits, particularly those tied to a demanding career, takes time. It may involve some trial and error, ongoing conversation and a willingness to adjust along the way. What matters is that you both feel heard and can see genuine effort being made.

There will be occasions when a heavy workload, an urgent matter or a trial requires you to work late. That's part of many demanding professions, and it's reasonable to expect some flexibility and understanding from your partner.

However, if your partner is telling you this has been happening for too long, ask yourself an honest question: has this become the norm rather than the exception? And if you were in your partner's position, living with this pattern for years, would you be happy with it?

Sometimes we become so accustomed to the demands of our work that we stop questioning whether the way we're managing it is sustainable, not just for ourselves but for the people we love.

A healthy relationship requires commitment, effort, understanding and, importantly, time. You don't necessarily have to give up your career or your ambitions, but you may need to reconsider the boundaries between work and home.

If you're not in a position to significantly reduce your hours in the immediate future, start with some small, meaningful changes:

• Make time to connect during the day. A quick call, a thoughtful message or a simple check-in helps your partner feel part of your day, even when you're busy.

• Be intentional about switching off. When you're home, put your phone away for a set period and give your partner your undivided attention. Being physically present is not the same as being emotionally present.

• Create small moments of connection. Send a photo, share something that made you laugh, or let your partner know you're thinking about them. These gestures seem minor, but they help maintain a sense of closeness.

• Show appreciation. After a particularly demanding week, organise dinner or do something thoughtful that shows your partner you recognise the impact your schedule has on them.

• Commit to dedicated time together. Protect at least one evening each week for your relationship, and make a genuine commitment to be home on time. Unless there's a real emergency, treat it as seriously as a court appearance.

• Be realistic and follow through. It's better to make a few changes you can keep than to make big promises in the heat of a difficult conversation that you can't.

Look beyond the immediate issue of late nights, too. If work regularly spills into every evening and every Sunday, examine whether you can delegate, manage client expectations differently, set clearer boundaries around when you can be contacted, or restructure parts of your workload. Your professional responsibilities matter, but so do your wellbeing and your life outside the office.

If the two of you find these conversations hard to have alone, or they keep ending in the same place, a relationship counsellor can help. Going to one isn't a sign that the relationship is failing. It's a sign you both want it to work.

Every relationship is different. Whether you've been together for two years or twenty, relationships need ongoing care and effort to stay strong. Love and commitment are important, but they don't replace the everyday actions that make another person feel valued, respected and prioritised.

You don't have to choose between your career and your relationship, but you do have to make room for both. Your partner isn't necessarily asking you to stop working hard. They may simply be asking you to show them that, amongst all your professional commitments, there is still a meaningful place for them in your life.

The most important thing is not just to tell your partner they matter, but to show it through consistent action. Small changes make a real difference, particularly when they show you've genuinely listened and are prepared to act on what you've heard.

Lauren.